I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
