Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
