420 ftw
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just blew my weed a kiss
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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