Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
