OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
