You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
