thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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