how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
