I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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