glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
