She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
where am i from again
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
