I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
