woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
