I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
