I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
