She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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