How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
