I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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