We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
