Your mouth is God's brothel.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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