the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
