Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
