I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I smell stomach acid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
