I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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