I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
