You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
