Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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