I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
