Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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