Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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