I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Found your dick twin last night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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