I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
