i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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