If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
