Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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