My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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