Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
