I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
