it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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