I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
