I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
