When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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