Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
