somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
