Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
