Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
