we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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