I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
