Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
