We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
