Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
