They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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