he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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