Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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