I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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