remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We got so high we made milksteak
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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